ofincense:

I am at war with myself but fight you instead

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God is closest in the third part of the night
[bukhari, hadith qudsi]
so I asked you to leave after maghrib
and prayed for you before dawn

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Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance.

Every Last One (Anna Quindlen)

(via mangoddess)

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you were the house at the corner
overrun run with flowers
while everyone complained about the weeds

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if I could return to writing less shitty, that would be wonderful

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at times I am a little dishonest, angry. at others, even ungrateful. how will I face God when all I’ve got are mumbled prayers and a heart without morals firm enough to stand on?

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He says: I’m Muslim.
As he brings the double shot of rum to his lips.
I imagine the way it burns as it slides down his throat.
He winces, then smashes the glass against table.
Everyone turns and cheers,
then they go back to their conversations.
He says it again — I swear.
I say: I know.
He looks at me with sad eyes.
Wallahi - he says,
still trying to convince me.
I say: I know.
I watch his eyes turn to glass as he downs another.
I swear I am Muslim - he slurs
I say: I know.
No— he says— you’re judging me, look
and he holds his hands over his ears and he begins to recite.
And I put my hand over his as people begin to stare.
And I say: I know.
And he begins to cry, and his tears look ancient, and his face contorts, and his mouth is open but there is no sound, and his body shudders.
And he tries again and again, never getting past Bismillah.
He keeps on saying “No you don’t understand I am Muslim, I am Muslim, I am Muslim, I am Muslim”
I know, I say.
And he holds the bottle to his mouth and he almost swallows it whole, and he says “marry me Aasiyah, I am a good man, my father is a hafiz of Quran,
it is just this Dunya, it is this world that has killed me”
I know, I say
I know.

Key Ballah

(via cradleandtrap)

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I am the Adam of two Edens, I lost them twice.
So expel me slowly,
and kill me quickly,
beneath my olive tree,
with Lorca …

Mahmoud Darwish, “I Have Behind the Sky a Sky” from If I Were Another

(via howitzerliterarysociety)

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I have to remember:
my true happiness lies in pleasing Allah before anyone else

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